I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
