First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
