i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
