Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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