Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
