Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
