I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
