woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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