He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
