How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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