Porn is love you can see.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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