Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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