if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
