K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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