At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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