So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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