just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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