Cold hands, warm shart.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
