i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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