my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
