Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
