One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
