I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
