Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We got so high we made milksteak
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
