My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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