wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
