After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
