true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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