you mean i was at the winter classic?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
