why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
