Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
