Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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