oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
