At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
