Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
