I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
