Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
