I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
