just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
