So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
