Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
