OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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