Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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