mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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