I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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