Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
