so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You made out with two different species that night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
