I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
