when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
