One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
