it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
