Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
