i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
do nipples grow back?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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